Hale to the No: Teen Wolf, Season 3 Episodes 2 & 3

Teen Wolf logo
Image from MTV.com

What’s up, ladies and gents?

Well, as you read a few days ago, my last couple of weeks have not been going so well. Which is my only excuse as to why I missed reviewing Episode 2: Chaos Rising, of the new episode of Teen Wolf.

I feel the need to apologize to my wolf pack now. I’m sorry. I’ve been a bad alpha. Please forgive me.

Anyway, enough of that. Onto the flailing and squeeing–er, I mean, the reviews.

(Warning: not only are they lengthy–I am doing two reviews, after all–but there is some slight cursing ahead. Woo! Foul language!)

Episode Two: Chaos Rising

I kid you not, the first thought that came to my mind was: “I can’t even.”

Because I can’t. Even. Just can’t.

I want to hold this episode around it’s adorable, squishy middle and squeeze the hell out of it.

Yes, yes, the plot was good. And slightly terrifying. (Jesus Christ, the wolves hadn’t felt the moon in three months? Talk about a hell of a aggression build-up).

But I really got out of it was: fisting.

Y’all know what I mean.

How many fisting jokes can Jeff Davis shove into an episode that is supposed to be about tracking down two wayward, kidnapped were-wolves.

Two, apparently.

But that’s not all! Anyone else catch that the sub-plot of this show was *drum roll* Stiles’s getting some? Seriously, we start with Stiles (nearly) hooking up with an old girl (space) friend at a party. Then the bit with the (holy shit!) XXL condom.

Then again with the condom in Coach Finstock’s economics/business class. And Danny eyeing Stiles like he was his favorite kind of candy.

THEN THE FISTING JOKES. Not one, but two! Stiles with the glove at the vets, and Derek giving him that look. And again at Derek’s loft, (“Show me that fist. C’mon, big ol’ fist. Big Bad Wolf, yeah”)… Really, c’mon Jeff. If Stiles doesn’t get laid this season, I will be writing you angry letters. You hear me? Letters.

Stiles is a kinky bastard, isn't he?
Everything you need to know about the episode is in this image.

On to more serious matters. Anyone else disturbed by that poltergeist moment with Isaac in the ice bath? Lights flickering, then Isaac yelling “They’re here! They found me!” Seriously. Like. Um, no. Oh god, if the Alpha pack wasn’t bad enough as it was, now you have to add in friggin’ poltergeists??

Hale to the no.

Speaking of “noooope!” moments, what was that with Ms. Morell and Deucalion? We trusted her. We had touching, emotional scenes with her and Stiles. Grounding scenes with her and Lydia. Interesting, intriguing plot developments with her and Deacon in leather pants. We like her. She told Stiles that when he’s going through hell to “keep going.” It’s like, the theme of his whole character!

If she’s going to betray the pack, Derek should rip out her spine with his teeth.

Oh. And last but not least: Cora.

Dude. WHAT?

Episode Three: Fireflies

To quote Hatteress: “I have 99 problems, and my escalating emotional attachment to Derek Hale is fucking all of them.”

I think this sums up my feelings nicely.

This episode is heart-breaking scene after heart-breaking scene. Derek holding Erica’s… form. (I refuse to believe she is dead!) Stiles finally finding Heather. Derek’s… sacrifice.

Just no. No.

There were a couple of good things about this episode. (Not to say the episode was bad. It was great. It’s just that it was filled with so much angst). First, the boys coming together as a pack–a pack that, oddly enough, is tolerating Chris Argent. And not only tolerating, but listening to Chris, and following his advice.

Can we say, “Holy friggin’ crap!”?

And Stiles, as much as the Heather scene hurt, we now know what’s going on with these missing kids. Virgin sacrifices. Who would’ve guessed?

I suppose, now, that means Stiles really needs to get laid. And possibly Isaac. (I think Isaac’s a virgin. Don’t ask me why. There’ s no evidence to substantiate otherwise. I just like to think that Stiles isn’t the only one in the virgin camp. Well, apart from the now dead people lining up in the morgue.

Crap. Too soon?)

But, building on the theme of sacrifice this episode, I do have a thing or two to say about Derek’s stunt at the end, with Boyd and Cora (Cora! Still not over the fact that she’s Derek’s sister!!)

Derek looks gutted. Physically and emotionally.

The look on his face at dawn was not a look of a man triumphant in his survival. It was a look of a man who was too tired to deal with it anymore.

He looked almost… disappointed that he was still alive.

This is all kinds of not okay.

And then, after, that scene with Ms. Blake? I have a lot of problems with it. It seems really heavy handed in its eagerness to set her up as Derek’s new love interest, what with romantic track in the background and the soft camera filters making everything seem all glowy and fairy tale-like. Fine. Whatever. But their faces.

I don’t blame Ms. Blake for looking up at Derek like her personal guardian angel. He did spend a great deal of time getting torn to freaking pieces by Boyd and Cora to save her from certain death. Then walks towards her, sunlight on his shoulders, hand extended, like an angel of the lord to help her to her feet. Man, if that happened to me, I would swoon.

I’d also put Derek on a pedestal and place unrealistic expectations on him.

Which is exactly what I think she’s going to do. You don’t get rescued from a traumatic event like that, and not develop slightly unhealthy expectations of your rescuer. It may be a normal thing to do, but it’s not healthy. At the first sign of Derek being human (for lack of a better term), she’s going to dig her heels in. She’s going to expect him to always be strong, especially for her.

And Derek doesn’t need that.

Derek needs someone he can rely on. Someone who won’t put up with his crap, someone who will support him when he just can’t hold himself up anymore. Someone who sees his human side, and accepts it whole-heartedly.

Derek isn’t a prince rescuing a princess. He’s a knight, and needs another knight.

But that’s only half of it.

Derek, when he approaches Ms. Blake, doesn’t just waltz up to her. He sidles. He keeps his back towards the shelving, and ninja steps his way to where she’s hiding. He doesn’t face her, doesn’t do the brash hero thing. Everything about his body language says he doesn’t trust her not to attack him. And his face?

His face says nothing but, “I am so tired.”

And that is so not a good way to start a relationship.

So, fine. I get the rest of the episodes are already filmed. But here is my two cents: if Derek and Ms. Blake do get together? It won’t last. At the first sign of Derek getting tired of being strong and protecting Ms. Blake all the time, she is going to get angry. Not because she’s a bad person, but because he won’t be fitting into her expectations of him. And frankly, if I were Derek? I’d get tired, really quickly, of her putting me on a pedestal all the damned time.

I just hope this doesn’t break him further.

I just wished covered in blood wasn't as good of a look on you as it is, sweetheart.
By the end of the episode, we all felt as beat up as Derek looked.

Still, I absolutely cannot wait for next Monday! 😀

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Author: Eris O'Reilly

I'm a writer, artist, knitter, crocheter, cat wrangler, zombie hunter, and law enthusiast. Also, I am a complete and utter fangirl. I like silliness.

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